Uhhhh?

I've been thinking a lot about my waiting experience lately (even though I should totally be thinking about finals and packing). I'm almost done, Zack is almost home. This is my last semester without him and it ends next week. After I drive home on the 10th I'll have 2 months and 6 days left without him, that's like 67 days.

No one and nothing could have prepared me for the feelings I've been feeling as of late and you all will probably think I'm crazy.

I'm TERRIFIED. I'm not ready.

It's been so long since I've been around him, I'm a totally different person then who he left, and I'm sure he's a totally different person too. We haven't been writing at all since the beginning of March, which has been hard for me, but he told me to trust him, so I am. We'll talk again when he gets home, it was just too distracting for us and I'm sure he's just as scared as I am for him to be coming home. What if things don't work out? I know that means that they weren't supposed to and everything happens for a reason and what not and I still won't regret my decision to wait, but still...it's scary thinking all this time I've invested in our relationship (2 1/2 years before he left and now the 2 years he's been on a mission) went to waste. (not to waste, but you know what I mean.)

I daydream a lot about what our reunion will be like, I have nightmares that he'll surprise me, show up at my door a week earlier than expected and I'll be in my pajamas with bedhead and THAT is how he gets to see me again for the first time in two years...not the way I want to be seen, that's for sure. But that would be my luck. He told me the day he'd be home, but after a lot of convincing. Before he left he always said he wouldn't tell me when he was coming home so he could surprise me, and he kept that up for awhile after he found out when he'd be home...and then he told me, but I don't believe him haha.

I wish I could come to an MG night before I head home for the next 5 months, but I don't think it's going to be likely...maybe when I get back in the fall I'll come to one, even though I'll have graduated...I'll keep you girls updated after he gets home, if any one is interested.